August 11, 2004

Last night we were at Victoria's Secret (getting some spicy all cotton undies!) I asked whether they carried nursing bras (they don't) when the woman who worked there said to me, "So, how do you like being a 24-hour restaurant?" At first I had no idea what she was talking about, and I told her that nonverbally. She clarified that she was wondering how I liked nursing. I thought, what a funny question - "It's an absolute honor. I love it." She looked surprised by my response. Do many people dislike nursing?? I get so giddy sometimes when I'm nursing Serena. It is amazing that my body produces the perfect nourishment for this growing, complex, divine human life.

When Nancy was here, we were trying to explain to her what Jim's sweeping truck looks like. When I was looking through pictures, I found this one of the truck. For Nancy and those who might be wondering what a sweeping truck looks like (I didn't even realize there was such a thing as a sweeping truck before this whole adventure), here's Jim's new beauty:

August 10, 2004

We had a fabulous and fast visit with Grammy Franco and Nancy Jane the last few days. We went to First Friday downtown and ate yummy food (though we did have a 1.5 hour wait for our dinner at Merenda - thank goodness the food there is excellent and Serena is such an easy-going baby, and that Norma and Nancy are night owls since it was 1:30am Ohio-time by the time we ate!) We went to Elk Lake (which Nancy kept calling Eagle Lake) and had a picnic (which, frankly, is less fun than it used to be now that I have to keep my EAGLE EYE on the mosquitoes and my baby girl's head.) We also spent a considerable amount of time looking at exterior house paint colors (which Nancy couldn't get enough of, right Nance?) Norma is indispensible on this kind of thing. She's excellent for keeping you on task on a project - and encouraging you to progress. We need that around here. Nancy ventured out on her own, having had enough of the house thing, and went to Smith Rock. Smith Rock is very cool.

Mostly, we cracked up and shared stories. Here's Nancy and Norma, both midstory:

Nancy.

Norma.

August 6, 2004

Serena laughed - I mean really LAUGHED out loud - for the first time today! I was changing her diaper and cheering on her "productivity", as I often do, and she just busted out this two syllable belly laugh. I was in such disbelief that I nearly convinced myself that I misheard it, until she did it again later! How is it that one moment a little human baby doesn't laugh, has never laughed once in their lifetime, and then they laugh as though they have laughed a thousand times before and then they will always be able to laugh? It's just crazy, the whole human thing... it's like holding up their head - you know, one minute they don't hold up their head themselves, then the next minute they hold up their own head and then they hold it up themselves forever - it never goes back.

It really is all simply miraculous, isn't it?

Here's Serena chatting up her reflection (it's a mirror on the bottom of the hanging thing there in her play mat gym.)

August 5, 2004

August 4, 2004

We have been slowly introducing a bottle (of breastmilk) to Serena. She has been kindly and gently rejecting it. Here's a hopeful moment that we later learned was just her way of tolerating our explorations. We've got about seven weeks to convince her that the bottle can also be her friend. School starts on September 20 and I will be teaching for about six hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

We now own every bottle and nipple combination available for a two month old baby. I spent my morning run thinking through my version of the perfect bottle nipple. I'm telling you, not only do I want there to be a nipple that really does "feel more like breasfeeding" for Serena but I want in on the capitalization of this humongous (sp?) baby supply industry!

August 2, 2004

What would you do with an open sunny Saturday afternoon? Here's the answer to Jim's perfect Saturday afternoon - Serena cozy on his chest sharing an intense study of the Owner's Manual to the Acura we just bought from my Dad. Jim is so excited about this car. Direct quote, "I thought this kind of car would be, like, three cars out!" Thanks, Dad!

Fire update: the newspaper (and various neighbor stories) says that the fire was started by overloaded wiring at an electrical outlet holding lights "used in the manufacture of marijuana" (or something like that.) The bummer is that this couple is made up of such nice people - we've chatted many times. Now, he's in jail pending $90,000 bail (I think they suspect dealing of some kind.)

July 30, 2004

We just came home from a great Italian dinner with Papa to this in our driveway:

First, just so you aren't scared, it wasn't our house that caught fire - it was the one next door (which is still far too close). The house didn't burn down, but there apparently was some significant damage. Fortunately, no one was hurt (the fire trucks are still there working)... But, talk about FREAK OUT! The first thing Jim and I both thought was, "Oh my gohd, SCOUT!" There were about ten fire and police vehicles on our street when we turned onto our block, so there was about ten seconds of, well, panic. It was crazy because when we left for dinner we all said, "Hmm, smell that smoke" but it's fire season here in Central Oregon and I just thought it was from a nearby forest fire or something. I had already done my obsessive four checks of the stove at the house so I was pretty confident all was okay inside. And, anyway, we had just left from inside and with just over 700 square feet, you'd know if there was a fire happening while you were in there.

Papa had just arrived with his new SAV (sport activity vehicle) and we were distracted by admiring it as we loaded to leave, so we didn't think a lot about the smoke smell. Of course, now I wish we had...but apparently the report went out very quickly, as the fire trucks started arriving very shortly after we left, according to the neighbors.

Anyway, there are three fire trucks still outside (it's 11pm now) and they are still circling the building next door. Mostly they just seem to be investigating. The fire portion seems to be out, and was that way when we got here. Word on the street (and, of course, the street is buzzing) is that there's some kind of misbehavior associated - someone was taken away in a police car. We don't know anything about that, but it does make for additional drama. As if we were looking for more drama.

We are certainly grateful that it wasn't our house, but we are also quite heightened emotionally tonight. Jim says we're never going anywhere again without Scout. While that might be unrealistic, it certainly feels fine to me right now. As you can see here, Scout's fine with that, too: (just for the record, those are Jim's legs)

Serena is sleeping peacefully in her co-sleeper as I write. I'd post a picture but it's too dark in there right now for our digital camera. Since, for unknown reasons, she screamed the entire drive home from dinner, I think I'll skip the possibility of waking her for my own journalistic desires.

July 28, 2004

Two Months Today

Yesterday I felt the most intense hatred and desire for vengeance that I have ever felt to date in my life. You should know, Jim and I literally have a "spider bag" which we use to tenderly and carefully catch and release to the outside world spiders we find in the house. I tell you this to show the high regard we have for all living things. That is until I found a mosquito feasting on my baby girl's head. In fact, there were two mosquitoes in a row - one on her head outside in the backyard and the second one was immediately following on her face when I lay her in bed. In her very own BED! And on her FACE! Needless to say, we do not have a "mosquito bag". Those moquitoes are not with us anymore and I feel absolutely no remorse. In fact, it is still difficult to let go of my anger at those mosquitoes for DARING to bite my sweet baby girl.

Incidentally, we have now sprayed for spiders as well. Did you know that a single black widow bite can cause death to an infant? We have both black widows and a scary little spider called the Brown Recluse here in Bend that can both cause considerable injury to humans.

I now have just an inkling of the intense protective feelings we will experience for our daughter in a variety of circumstances. I certainly feel more vulnerable than I've ever felt. We received a congratulations card when Serena was born that said "to have a child is to let your heart run around outside your body". That is frighteningly true, isn't it?

On to cheerier things. We spent the afternoon walking to and around the Farmer's Market downtown; Me, Serena, Jim, Papa and Scout. We got the biggest, most beautiful, bursting-with-sweet-juice tomatoes I've ever seen and basil that you can smell from fifteen feet away. Serena and I are going to the lake tomorrow with our Mom and Baby group and we're taking fresh bread, sweet cream brie and those tomatoes and basil. Mmm, can't wait. And no mosquitoes better DARE approach my girl. I hope that word got out from the fate of the mosqitoes that infiltrated our house to those at the lake.

At the farmer's market, Jim was stopped no less than six times by strangers (and four times by people we knew), to show off Serena. He's such a proud Daddy - you should see him beam when he gets to show and talk about her. Add three more stops for people wanting to pet and talk about Scout - about whom Jim also beams proudly.

I have to pay homage to this amazing creation in baby entertainment. This bouncy seat is called the "Aquarium Bouncer" (at least that's what it says on the aquarium part) and it is awesome. Check out Serena's attention on it! She loves it. Since she's been born, I have had virtually every shower (almost every day - and on "no shower days" it was really just my choice) with Serena happily sitting in this bouncer, watching the little fishies twirl and kiss. It has a music sound option she enjoys, but she also like the rain and waves options when she's more sleepy. Jim's friend Susan (from all the way back to elementary school!) got this for us and it has been just wonderful.

Check out that eye contact. Her Papa says even in the last few weeks he has noticed a great increase in her attention and focus. I agree. She literally locks onto you and will follow you around the room with her eyes. She's just soaking up every single teeny thing. It's very cool.

She's also starting to stretch right out of some of her 0-3 months clothes... ugh! It happens so fast!

Also very cool is that our house is moving along again. They've built the second story, as you can see here, and they've framed in the rooms. It's so fun to be able to literally walk around in a room and feel the space! Roof trusses are here and should be on the house this week so we'll get a sense of what the shape and style will be. Nice.

July 23, 2004

Eight Weeks Today

Every morning (closer and closer to 5 am lately), Serena wakes up smiling, chatting and laughing with her butterfly mobile (see last photo in July 6 entry) that we have hanging above our bed. She absolutely loves it! Above is a picture of her chatting up the butterflies.

The ever-unfolding mysteries of nature... what color will her eyes be???

At her Dr. appointment yesterday, Dr. Bailie said she's quite sure they will be blue - or, they could be green. Green often doesn't fully arrive until 1-3 years old. My eyes are blue, Jim's green.

Serena is 10 lbs, 13 oz and 23.5 inches long. She is 75th percentile for her weight and 90th percentile for height. Dad's first excited response to this news- "Our daughter is going to be a basketball player!!" Her head is 38.5 inches around, which is 50th percentile (in spite of the fact that her head seems to be much bigger than all her current baby friends - who are incidentally virtually all boys. No problem, anyway - big head, big brain!)

Scout and Serena are getting along nicely. They are even beginning to share toys - though, I'm quite sure in this case that Serena didn't know she was moving this octopus and Scout thought it was alive. Fun all around.

July 16, 2004

Seven Weeks New

It all happens so fast, doesn't it? Serena is holding her head up better every day, she loves to "stand" while she's on our lap using strong legs that came out of nowhere all of the sudden, she tracks things with her eyes really well and it seems she's even starting to be able to aim her hands in the general direction of something she finds interesting. Also, she can count to ten in French :-)

She has started this Mommy preference thing, which means, unless she's feeling particularly social and generous, I'm the only one who can hold her for an extended period of time. I really LOVE to hold her - and I do hold her virtually all day, every day. On occasion, I don't mind when someone else gets to enjoy her (and I get to use two hands to dress myself) - that's where it gets tricky. Someone else tell me - is this just a passing phase?

She weighs in somewhere around 11 pounds, which is just getting so big. We measured that on the regular scale at my post-natal "clearance" appointment, so it's not as accurate as a baby scale. We'll do the baby scale at her Dr. appointment on the 22nd of this month. The bummer is, it occurs to me that amount is still significantly less than the amount of pregnancy weight I have left to lose. Hmm.

Speaking of pregnancy (and therefore birth), it's funny, whenever someone asks me, "How was the birth?", I have no idea what to say. How do you say, "It was the hardest, most painful experience I have ever had in my life - beyond description" and at the same time, express how grateful and amazing it feels to have experienced and shared in birthing this precious human life? What I do know is that I'm not willing to say "it's a good kind of hurt" or "it's a spiritual passing - not really pain exactly" I agree it's spiritual. Powerfully. But it's exactly pain and I wouldn't say it's the "good kind", is there such a thing?

I will agree with so many that I've heard say "it's so worth it" and "I'd do it all again to have her" and "It's the most amazing experience I've ever had."

My Nana, which is my Gramma's mom, made this sweet little dress for me when I was about Serena's age (or at least Serena's size). There's no way I looked nearly this cute in it!

For those who might be interested in our house remodel, after learning that our master bedroom is simply too small and the windows are too giant for any reasonable amount of privacy from neighbors, we decided to bring in a designer to consult on the plans. It was a somewhat expensive lesson (we have to add another round of excavation and change the framing on the master bedroom to add five more feet) but we are happy to have learned it early enough to apply it to the rest of the job. The designer made excellent suggestions for changes on the rest of the plans (shrink some windows, add some windows and skylights, extend the laundry room). We will NEVER try to do a remodel or any building project without an architect or designer again.

After a two week delay due to various reasons (aren't there always "various reasons"?) work will "get cracking" in the words of our contractor, on Monday. It'll be nice to have the one blaringly purple wall still standing on our second story for the last two weeks taken down to begin building the upstairs. That whole bright purple wall just might be taken out of context by neighbors.

July 6, 2004

We are absolutely certain Serena had her first "social smile" (smiling in direct response to someone's interaction with her) about a week ago.

Check out this smile!

Lovin' a good book. We're pretty sure she's about to begin reading anytime now.

Here's the tongue game as promised in an earlier entry (video turns out to look wierder than expected) - see, Daddy sticks out his tongue then Serena follows by sticking out her tongue. They play this game so often now, that often when Jim picks up Serena and they make eye contact, she sticks out her tongue to initiate the game. They've been playing this since around two and a half weeks, or so. I KNOW - it's unbelievable!

We've had a very busy and fun last couple of weeks. Nana and Al came to visit and then Uncle Aaron, Aunt Jenn and Miles. Many fun adventures. Here are just a few of the highlights:

Clearly, the scene has changed for our visits. Gone are the long and complicated meal preparations and direct eye contact conversations (happily, we all agree)

Serena had her first full sink bath - she enjoyed it more than is evident in this picture.

Serena and Miles enjoying wilderness picnic leisure.

What a difference five months (and gender difference?) makes...

...particularly in the feet!

Serena's first trip to Tumalo Falls. She slept in the Bjorn for the first half of the trip then ate lunch through the rest. Waterfall - schmaterfall, she's got her priorities.

Here's Miles snacking on Serena's foot. Can't wait to show them this picture when they're ten!

Pretty face. Her first concentrated mirror time. Totally at peace with her reflection. Let's keep it that way forever and ever.

The hat tops it off - hard not to smile! (especially considering new european ensemble from Aunt Jenn, Uncle Aaron and Miles matches hat so beautifully)

Check out this gorgeous butterfly mobile Aaron and Jenn made to hang above our bed since we all sleep there together. You should see how gracefully and mesmerizingly the butterflies float and move. Awesome. (Yes, they MADE it.)

June 25, 2004

Four Weeks Darling Today!

(Be sure to take a close look at the hat, too!)

June 24, 2004

Four weeks tomorrow

In keeping with her parents' gypsy lifestyle, Serena has now moved into her second home in her short almost four week life. We're buried in chaos at Norma's house now, but happy to be in cozy, familiar surroundings. This will be lovely for the next few months while our house next door gets finished. Speaking of, they have framed the bottom story of the addition. See:

Actually, that was a few days ago. It now has a roof and they are tearing into the second story and preparing to put up the new roof trusses. (Is that how you spell trusses?)

Grammy went home yesterday. She was just absolutely awesome the last month. She brought us dinners, grocery shopped, visited and gave us room to get to know our new situation all in perfect balance. It was hard to have her leave, but also easier knowing she'd be back with Nancy Jane, our good friend in Ohio, in about six weeks.

Serena and Grammy, soaking up the cuddles. (Yea, we gave in to the pacifier thing - and it's really awesome, actually!)

Speaking of Grandparents, Serena has also gotten some good bonding time with her Papa. This was over a week ago, but we just got the pictures developed. Thought it was a cute one to share.

Serena has some awesome grandparents. Grandma Mayer (Michelle's Mom) came with Auntie Kehau and cousin Katie just two days after she was born and they all totally cleaned and set up the condo for us. It was amazing. They drove 9 hours to just spend ONE DAY with us! Wish we had some digital shots to share, we were still a bit out of it at the time... next time!

Nana (Michelle's Mom) will be coming in a few days for her bonding time with Serena, followed in a few days by Uncle Aaron and Aunt Jenn and cousin Miles. We can't wait!

Since her crusty belly button just fell off, Serena had her first full-immersion bath night before last, with her Daddy. She loved it!

June 18, 2004

Three weeks today!

The last week has been full of adventures. Serena has been to Target, Eastside Nursery, a couple of family walks around the golf course here, to coffee a few times, and this morning we had a three week birthday breakfast with Grammy Franco.

Apparently we are now members of the "Parents Club". It's one of those clubs you don't know exists until you have a baby. We can't believe the conversations that arise when you have a baby. And I thought being pregnant brought on the attention from strangers!

The most striking thing is how urgently people tell you, "Enjoy every single minute. They grow so fast." They just need us to really get it. So, we sit around and stare at her as much as we can.

Here are some 3 week old shots:

Here's a view of morning at our house.

Sweet slumber

This is actually at two weeks, with our amazing midwife, Mickie.

June 11, 2004

Two weeks today!

Serena and her dad discovered a new copying game, on her two week birthday. Check it out:

(revising video format... back soon...)

Here's her first car ride shot, from last weekend while house hunting in Bend for Papa (her grandpa, Michelle's dad). After some adjusting, she realized the car is an excellent place to catch up on her zzzz's. Just like her Mama... The house hunting was a success and now Papa has a lovely place here in Bend so we're assured some wonderful bonding time to come - hooray!

Here is how Serena lays sleeping as I write this. Touchdown (wild - her mom likes to sleep like this, too!)

June 9, 2004

12 Days

We went on our first shopping adventure today. It'll shock you to hear it was to Costco. Serena was superb. We just slung her along and she's pretty happy as long as she's hanging on one of us in some way.

She's a crack up. She moans - you know, like Billy Crystal moans in When Harry Met Sally when he's laying in bed watching Casablanca? She moans like that. "huuuuhhh... huuuhhhhh... huuuuhhhh..." People laugh from across the coffee shop, store aisle, wherever, listening to her.

I'd swear she smiles, too - except I was told they don't smile until weeks from now. But even her Papa saw it yesterday and he says it was a smile, too. I suppose she could just be advanced... (hee, hee) Actually, I heard on Discovery Health Channel that babies of Moms who eat chocolate daily during pregnancy actually smile more and tend to be happier babies. Serena is living proof.

Here are some random photos...

Home half-bath... cozzy clean.

"You and me, we know what we mean, right?"

Still looking for the "prop-up" in this Prop-up Mat.

Sweet little baby ear.

And, oh the feets... can't you just imagine kissing 'em?

June 3, 2004

Six days new

As many of you already know, Serena Aaron Franco was born on May 28 at 6:09am. She weighed 7lbs, 7oz and is 20.5 inches long. She has perfect little feet and toes, a sweet little nose and just the crusty little belly button you'd expect. We are absolutely in love. See why:

This is Serena yesterday, at five days old. She's really amazing. She's a great eater. In fact, at the home nurse visit yesterday she weighed in at one ounce above her birth weight. Apparently, they usually lose weight for the first two weeks and take that long just to get back to their original birth weight. I can't say I'm surprised as my tailbone is sore from sitting and nursing about every hour and a half.

For those of you interested, here's the birth story (we all know I love a birth story, so I guess I'm thinking there's one or two of you out there who do, too)... If you don't like details of this sort, you may want to just refer back to the picture above, smile a happy, healthy smile and carry on with your day. The following is for those who like a detailed birth story...

On May 27th at 6:15 am, I woke feeling antsy and just ready to take on the day. Normally, I would lie in bed and doze until 7 or even a bit later. I got up and went to the bathroom. After, I stood and, well, felt a bit of a "gush". Hmmm, I know I just emptied my bladder, so that can't be that... I hung out a bit. Trickle, trickle. I put on a pad and went to make coffee. Ten minutes later, I needed a new pad. Hmmm. I contemplated, analyzed, thought through... it's a week early, see, and as I have espoused on many occasions, "70% of first births happen after the due date" so this is simply too early. Plus, I have some things to do yet.

Yet, it was undeniable, this trickle wasn't stopping. So, I woke Jim.

"Um, Honey..."

"Yea", sleepy but ever attentive and pleasant.

"Um, I think my water just broke."

Alert. Comtemplative, with an edge of "huh" - "oh, really..."

We proceded to talk over the situation, racking our brains as to whether anything we had ever read in our impressive stacks of pregnancy books said that your water could break then, well, stop and you could go another week or two. You know how some people have false labor - like that. Neither of us could recall anything like that, but maybe... So, we called our midwife's office.

Yea - no. It doesn't stop, once your water breaks. "Come on into the Birthing Center", the doctor on call says, as if he's telling us to "apply light pressure and put on a band aid." We're pretty shocked at the unfolding events. It's also a bit exciting.

We go in and get checked. Yep, it's amniotic fluid. No, I'm not in labor yet. Yes, we will be admitted into the hospital and we will most certainly have our baby within 48 hours - ready or not. Oh. Wow.

We request to leave, against standard procedure, to do some walking and get some things together. They have no labor rooms right then anyway. We go buy baby name books (Aaaahhhk, we still have a list of twenty names and no real top favorites!) and make a few phone calls. Then we go to Shevlin Park and walk with Scout for about an hour, hoping to bring on contractions. We know that if we don't have good contractions soon they will want to induce labor and I really really really don't want that. It was a beautiful walk - in the rain, adding appropriate dramatic atmosphere to our situation. Then we went to breakfast. I had pancakes. They said to eat something "light", so I left a few pancake bites behind.

Around 3pm, we go back to the hospital and are in a labor room. The rooms are really big and relatively cozy, considering it is a hospital. While my contractions have increased in intensity to similar to medium menstrual cramps and are happening every three to five minutes, an examination tells us that my cervix is softening but there is absolutely no dilation. Mickie tells us that the rate of infection after 24 hours of a broken amniotic sack is about 20%, therefore they want us to have the baby within 24 hours. We are already eight and a half hours into that 24 hours. She strongly recommends we begin Pitocin to induce labor. I strongly resist. I keep walking - asking for more time. We agree that if we aren't in good labor by 6pm, we'll talk Pitocin again. Of course, she knows I'm not going to be in active enough labor by then but she can tell that I need to find out for myself. She doesn't say this, I just now know - she knew.

6pm and we're nowhere. I'm dilated less than a fingertip. I very reluctantly agree to Pitocin, shaking at the thought of this scary drug running through my veins and bringing on unnaturally painful labor. Remember, I'm petrified of drugs of any kind. Plus, I've heard all the stories about Pitocin. I wanted so much to do this labor without pain medication (as I mentioned to you before in this preglog) and I knew from stories that it is much more difficult with the pain of Pitocin. But, more importantly, I didn't want our baby to be infected. So, there we went with Pitocin.

Labor ramped up nicely and I was having some pretty serious contractions and moaning around on my exercise ball. It was really really painful. I mean really painful. Yea, how do you say how painful it is? Those of you who've been through it know what I mean, though. It's indescribable. But, I was handling it. I would just picture these women I saw in that birth video from birthing class that just squat and have their kids, without any hoopla. I kept telling myself, "They do it, you can do it. Period." It was going okay, except for the excruciating pain, until they checked me at 2:30am. That's six and a half hours of hard, intense labor. I was a 3. I needed to get to 10. I just knew I couldn't do seven more centimeters with them increasing the Pitocin every 15 minutes (yes, they'd just push a button every 15 minutes to make the contractions even stronger.) Mickie was at another birth this whole time so we just had the labor and delivery nurse. She was fine in other respects, but it was very clear that she was a big fan of the epidural and really thought I should have one. She didn't say so because it was very clearly stated in our Birth Plan not to ask me if I want pain medication - I was "aware of it's availability and would ask for it if I wanted it." I asked for it. Jim said, "Do you think we should talk this over with Mickie?" I said, "No, I don't want to talk it over. I want it." Relieved, I know, the nurse called Mickie to let her know I wanted the epidural.

Mickie came in. I was so exhausted and resigned at this point. At the same time, I was almost blissful imagining I would be getting some relief from this agony soon. The nurse had already backed off the Pitocin in preparation for the epidural, so my contractions were more tolerable. I could imagine living through this experience now. I couldn't wait until the anesthesiologist arrived with his magic.

Mickie said, "Michelle, I know you want to do this naturally. We will get you an epidural if that's what you want. First, though, let me check you and see how things are going, okay?"

"Okay", though I knew I was going to be 3, just like I was five minutes ago when the nurse checked.

I was 3. So, she says, "Okay, Michelle, I am going to stretch your cervix. I think we can get you to a 5. Do you want to do that?"

Huh? Oh... progress? Really? "Okay."

"I'm going to do this while you're having a contraction and it's going to be very uncomfortable."

"Okay" - oh maaan.

She was right. It was horrible. But, she got me to a five. Then she said, "Okay, Michelle, we can do anything you want. I will order you an epidural. However, I think you will have this baby within two hours if we don't do the epidural."

Uuuugggghhhhh! My magic relief was fading... oh, I wanted it so badly. But, I wanted to have this baby sooner more. And I still, frankly, had a hard time imagining sitting still while they administered the epidural. That's the only part I had yet to reconcile in my mind about the epidural thing.

"Okay, let's try", I said.

So, off we went. Mickie stayed through the rest. I bounced and rolled on that exercise ball for the next four hours. Thank gohd for that exercise ball! Jim rubbed my back (as he had been tirelessly doing for the entire time - he was absolutely phenomenal) and Mickie brought in some warm lavender oil and joined him. Mickie did a few more excruciating stretching things with my cervix and eventually I made it to 10. I pushed for about 45 minutes, which felt like three hours and five minutes all at the same time. I remember I couldn't believe when I saw Mickie putting on her gown and gloves and getting all of the supplies ready for the birth. I remember thinking, "Oh my gohd, is this about to really happen? Have we actually made it?"

I could see the birth in a mirror they provided. It was incredible watching her head be born. Then Mickie said, "Okay, Michelle, reach down and deliver your baby." So, I reached down and hooked my hands under the baby's arms and pulled her out and onto my chest. She was slimy and so very warm - and human. She was a little tiny human and somehow I couldn't and hadn't fathomed that, exactly.

I said to Jim, "What is he?"

He said, "He's a She!"

We couldn't believe it. We had been somehow just sure she'd be a boy. Serena (who was not yet named at the time) was born at 6:09am, to fourteen hours of the music of Deva Premal.

Had Mickie had not been our practitioner and, basically, dilated my cervix for me - if we'd had a doctor - I am quite sure I would have been taken in for a c-section for "failure to progress", given the 24 hour time crunch. While I would have been fine with any necessary procedure that brought me this sweet angel who hangs in a sling on my lap as I write this, I know from this experience that it would not have been necessary, only convenient. I am so grateful to Mickie for her commitment to our wishes. Even more than that, and I can't tell you enough, you should have seen Jim in all of this. He was an absolute heaven-sent support person. He stayed up the whole time, rubbed my back constantly (literally, I think he left once for about five minutes to wolf down a quesadilla out of absolute energetic necessity) and took absolute perfect care of me the whole time. And even though he's seen me do things and heard me make sounds that no romantic partner should have to experience, he still romances me daily with sweet words and affection.

We requested no bath, drops or other procedures for the first two hours, so we could just hang out together as a family and marvel. That was really precious time. Then, Jim gave Serena a bath. Here's a shot (sorry it's dark, we wanted to keep lights low):

And, oh wow, I already can't imagine our life without Serena. To all of you who've tried to describe it to me over the years, I now get it. I finally get it. There are no words for the love you feel for your little baby. Frighteningly and blissfully, it gets more intense each day - and we're only on day six.

Thank you so much for all of your interest and love during our pregnancy. Your notes about this preglog have been so wonderful and encouraging and had me keep it up. Now we get to have it to share with Serena when she gets older. What a cool gift.

We'll post pictures periodically for those of you who want to continue to see Serena grow.

Love to you.